Didn't start out too good. I had to go into the orthodontist for a check-up and had more wires put in my mouth to straighten my teeth up. After that, though, it started to get better. I mailed one of my last Christmas cards, I went to a new pen and stationary store in my town that I didn't even know existed, and I got my car back. Even got gas for it for 68 cents a litre--last time it was that low, I don't even think I had a licence.
Unfortunately, I came home and went onto Facebook. There was her name, sending a comment to a mutual friend of ours. It was ten minutes ago and I'm still shaking. I can't even see her name without going insane.
I really wish I knew what I wanted. Part of me still loves her, and part of me hates her. I hope she writes something to me, but can't see her name without feeling hurt. I want her back, I want her gone. I want to hug her, I want to smack her. I want some sort of communication between us, but there's no way I'm making the first move and contacting her. I don't know what to think.
Maybe I'd find it easier to figure out what I want if she actually contacted me and expressed some level of remorse for lying to me and using me and leading me on and everything else she did to me. But I don't even know if she's noticed what she's done to me, or if she cares. I e-mailed her, I mailed her, and I've talked about her often enough in here, knowing the odds are good that she's reading it. But nothing except her still having me on her friends list and adding a photo on DeviantArt as a favourite. It's hard for her not to notice, and she's acting very oddly if she doesn't care.
Confusion, anyone?
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